“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.” ~ Pema Chodron
Embracing Groundlessness: The Reality of Uncertainty
In Western culture, we define ourselves by our jobs, relationships, bank accounts, and health. But what happens if any or all of these things change, turn upside down, or completely disappear? In an instant, we don’t recognize ourselves: the labels we used to define our lives no longer hold. And then, who the hell are we without those things? Terrified. That’s who!
So what do we do when the ground falls out from underneath us? Our instinct is to claw and scratch and try to pull it back. We want control. We need control. But Guess what? We aren’t in control and never were in the first place! We think we can bend the universe to our will if we just try harder. But we don’t gain ground. But we do exhaust ourselves in the process.
Pema Chödrön calls this state “Groundlessness.” I think it sums up the experience well. There is an untethering, a grasping, but all we grab is air.
Finding Stability in Turmoil: Practical Steps
What can we do when the rug is pulled out from underneath us?
- Be the friend you need. Start by sending yourself love and compassion. Beating yourself, even if you are responsible for some of the current situation, creates more pain and anxiety. You already have enough of that. You are scared, and you feel bad. You need a friend. Be that friend to yourself.
- Practice Gratitude. Focus on what you do have. Gratitude as a mantra has been so ubiquitous and Hallmark-ified that we have forgotten its power. No matter what isn’t working right now, something is. Focus there. Research shows that noting three daily wins inoculates us from Depression. Make it a practice. Write down three things that you are grateful for or went well every single day. It will shift your perspective.
- You could have a dog who fills your world with joy. You could be healthy enough to go on a run. Maybe you like your smile. If you got it, flaunt it. It is NOT nothing. Everything has value. Right now, make it everything. Wherever you are abundant. Focus there!
- Practice Tonglen (the Tibetan Meditation of giving and receiving). We tend to feel lonely and isolated when things aren’t going well. But feeling lonely and isolated is part of the human experience. This is the moment to connect emotionally and spiritually with all those people who feel the way you do. Start by breathing in your pain (your anxiety, your fear, etc) and breathing out something lovely (love, laughter, freedom, abundance). Once you start to feel more grounded, breathe in other’s pain – it could be a good friend, partner, or pet- and send them your lovely out-breath. Once that feels genuinely connected, you can expand to your block, city, state, country, or world.
- Release your need to control what is out of your control. And start to know the difference. What is mine? What is the universe? Take charge of yours – often, that means our thoughts and perspective. How can I see this differently? How can I show up differently here? But for everything that is not yours… instead of grasping and clawing at the ground that is not there, learn to float. This is the process of allowing what is – to be without struggle, without resistance. And
Learning to Fly: Finding Freedom in Uncertainty
If I’ve learned anything, it is that sometimes, the universe conspires to take away that which does not serve us. Often, you will realize that you had ambivalence around something but not the courage to let it go of your own accord. Enter the universe to blow things up and send you down your true path. It can be disorienting, but if we do the work, we can find freedom in this new space. We can find ourselves fully here.
And.. instead of grasping at the ground that is no longer there, we can float or, better yet, learn to fly!
To read more about being courageous in our lives, check out: The Life Smackdown Lesson
