I’ve been thinking a lot about fear lately, especially about when fear becomes pain, and wanted to share a piece of this beautiful poem, Be Gentle With Fear by Jeff Foster, that really hit home for me. (You can read more of his work here.)
Do not push your fear away, or label it “negative” or “unspiritual.”
Do not pretend it is not there.
Do not rush to delete it, or transform it, or even heal it.
It is not an enemy; it is not a mistake.
It is ancient and wise.
Bow before it.
These words feel so true to me, especially after what happened last week. For those who attended my talk on The Brain Science of Chronic Pain: How to Rewire It for Relief, you’ll recognize this as a real-life example of what we discussed — how our bodies create pain as a protective response when we feel unsafe.
Last week, I went on a retreat focused on trauma work. I knew it would stir things up, but wow — layers of fear I thought I’d processed long ago came bubbling to the surface.
When I got home, all my regular worries about deadlines and responsibilities piled on top of those deeper fears from the retreat. And guess what happened? My back went into spasm for the first time in two years. The exact same pattern I experienced during a really tough time in my life — the very pattern I now help others work through.
Instead of getting frustrated, I decided to practice what I preach. I spent the day being kind to my body — did my PT exercises, took an Epsom salt bath, rolled out those tight muscles.
But here’s the important part: I also talked to my pain and my fear throughout the day.
I literally asked my pain questions and then listened.
No judgment, just curiosity.
And my pain actually answered:
“I come from this fear, and the seeds of this started a long time ago.”
That hit me hard. My body wasn’t betraying me — it was communicating with me. The pain wasn’t a setback; it was information. My nervous system was doing exactly what it’s designed to do: protect me when it perceives threat, even when that threat is emotional rather than physical.
After a day of this physical care and emotional dialogue, something amazing happened. The next morning, the pain was gone. Not just better — completely gone.
💬 Create a Dialogue with Your Pain and Fear
This is the tool that made all the difference for me, and it might help you too. Here’s how to try it:
- Find a quiet moment when you can be with your pain without distraction.
- Place a hand gently on the painful area if that feels comfortable.
- Ask your pain questions like:
- What are you trying to tell me?
- What do you need right now?
- When did you first appear, and what was happening in my life?
- What would help you feel safer?
- Listen without judgment to whatever comes up — words, images, or just feelings.
- Thank your pain for communicating with you, even if the message is difficult to hear.
This might sound strange if you’ve never done it before. I get it — I was skeptical too until I experienced how powerful it can be. But remember, your body and your emotions are always communicating. When we listen with compassion instead of fighting against them, they often have important wisdom to share.
Pain patterns that have existed before create neural pathways that are more easily reactivated when similar threats are perceived. That’s why my back pain returned in exactly the same pattern as before.
But the good news is that neuroplasticity works both ways — when we create safety on both physical and emotional levels, the brain can update its threat assessment and reduce or eliminate the protective pain response.
Want Support with This?
If you’re struggling with chronic pain or grief and would like more support with these techniques, I have a few new consultation slots available. I’d be happy to talk with you one-on-one about your specific situation and how these approaches might help.
👉 Schedule your free consultation call here
With compassion,
Elisabeth
